Professor Marcus Greef of Oxford University has published a paper relating to the possible connection that the regular consumption of Cromer crabs by local children may have on their intellectual ability.

His study over several years has established that children who consume large quantities of the local crab meat from an early age have demonstrated above average abilities in many areas.  The reading age of the children was found to be much lower than in other parts of the country and many excelled in foreign languages: several Cromer children could speak fluent Russian by the age of six.  Many were also found to have exceptional ability when learning to play musical instruments.  One girl in particular could play Haydn’s Cello Concerto in D to a very high standard by the time she was eight years of age.  Another example of the phenomena is James Peebles, an 11 year old boy from Suffield Park, who has recently had his third crime novel published by Random House to great critical acclaim.

The professor said: “This cannot be coincidence.  The consumption of large quantities of crab meat is the only common factor that I can find amongst all the children that I studied.” He went on to say that he is to recommend to the Secretary of State for Education, Michael Gove, that Cromer crab should be a compulsory ingredient in school meals served in all UK schools.